Republicans Recall Trump for Being Too Fat


Citing the long tradition of fit-and-trim Republican nominees for president, the leadership of the GOP has recalled the nomination of Donald Trump, issuing the following rambling statement:

“That person was a Miss Universe presidential primary person and she he was the worst we ever had. The worst. The absolute worst. She He was impossible. And she he was a Miss Universe primary contestant, ultimately a winner who they had a tremendously difficult time with as Miss Universe the nominee. She He was the winner and, you know, she he gained a massive amount of weight and it was a real problem.We had a real problem. Not only that but her his attitude and we had a real problem with her him, so…”

Nevertheless, GOP leadership has agreed to retain Mr. Trump’s nomination if he will submit to working out in front of live television cameras while the GOP leadership stands there watching.

Trump is a True Floridian Because…

–He dominates every news cycle with stupid outlandish crap

–His wealth has not purchased any class

–He’s fun to check in on but you wouldn’t want to be there for four straight years

–Hyperbolic self-promotion is a cornerstone of his success

–He’s actually from New York

–Bad hair, bad tan, bad hat, bad grammar, bad diction, can’t focus on anything too long

–He was a Democrat, he’s a Republican, he flirted with Independent, he doesn’t fucking know

–He believes The National Enquirer and is often featured in it

–He hates foreigners and is dependent upon them

–His kids have to take care of him and clean up his mess