No one wants to hear the word “fuckin” all the time, but then again I don’t want to hear any word all the time. You keep using the word “liquefy” in casual conversation and I’m going to quickly get sick of it and wonder what’s with all this liquefying bullshit?

I guess the only words we don’t mind hearing all the time is “the” and “a.”

And “and.”

But that’s it—ok, and “that.”

But we certainly don’t want to hear “but” too much. You can get fired for saying “but” all the time; you can lose friends by always being the “but” guy—no one wants to always hear the potential problems highlighted before anything’s ever given a chance.

Even an innocuous little helper word like “which” cannot be said too frequently or else people think that you’re confused or that you think in run-on sentences—which never come to a definite conclusion—which you need to do in order to let other people talk—which is the whole point of conversation—which …

“I can’t take him anymore—he’s become so over-modified.”

In Guantanamo, one interrogator was able to break many prisoners by constantly using words like “penetrate” in his conversations with detainees:

“No! Please don’t send me back to the ‘penetrate’ guy—I can’t take it anymore! Osama’s in Abbottobad! ….Abbottobad!…Yes, that’s a real place.. No, I don’t know how you would penetrate the security there—aagghhhh!”

Fortunately, using too many innuendo-words during an interrogation is against the Geneva Conventions: captured soldiers should never have to suffer the way civilian women sometimes must.

So other than “a” and “the” no word is worth repeating all the time.

Not even “fucking.”

And if you do repeat certain words—any words—people will psychologize you. And you don’t want that!

Soon there will be an app that will instantly psychologize other people’s speech patterns.

Therefore, you will need to get the other app which warns you in advance when your own speech is starting to form patterns with unwanted implications.

Naturally, when kids get hold of their parents’ devices they test it out for themselves in their own way:

“Hey computer, who the fuck are you to analyze my speech and tell me how to fuckin’ talk, huh?”

Computer app: “Are you trying to sound drunk? Otherwise, your speech sounds angry. Desist using ‘fuck.’ ”

Kids: “Desist this, fool!”

Computer app: “Confrontational tone projected. Avoid confrontational perjoratives like ‘fool.’ Also, the whole ‘blank-this’ format is generally rude.”