Tag Archives: solve

Extreme Solutions

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Fuck Palestine and fuck Israel–bring back Canaan!

Airline pilots can no longer leave the cockpit but must wear diapers instead.

In order to be truly free and equal, gays need their own homeland. Ditto for women.

Encourage and assist all Sunni jihadis to go to Syria. Then bomb them. Then feed their remains to pigs so that they’re ineligible for Heaven.

Repeal the 8th Amendment to the Constitution–allow cruel and unusual punishment for lawyers and judges who knowingly prosecute or convict innocent people.Torture them! Human rights are for people who care about other people’s human rights.

Don’t just legalize marijuana–issue it. Hand it out like government cheese back in the 80’s.

Give back Southern Appalachia to the Cherokees. We’re not using it.

Execute all motorists who don’t use their turn signal–if you’re too selfish and lazy to flick a switch you don’t deserve to live.

Institute the same gun laws as Dodge City in the Old Wild West–no guns allowed inside city limits. Out in the countryside, you can do what you want.dodge-guns

Solution to the Gun Control Issue: Math

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And geography:

Population density ÷ distance to nearest high-density area =

Your gun laws.

The higher your number, the more restrictive your gun laws. Low numbers entitles you to all the Wild West paranoid fun you can stockpile.

IF you keep it out in the sticks.

Because remember: being born in a low density area means nothing when you enter a high density area. The laws are the same for everyone in high and low density areas. it’s just different depending on where you’re at.

Gun owners with a house in the city and a house in the country, for instance, would find themselves under two different sets of gun laws, depending on their location.

My second serious blog entry… The last time I sacrificed humor was in order to solve the Afghanistan-Pakistan-Kashmir problem. I did it, but no one listened.

And people died.

Now, I want to be funny and write instead about butterflies made out of bullshit but you people leave all these needlessly unsolved issues out there, it forces me to get practical and dreary sometimes.

So it’s your fault.