I Don’t Hate Women But…

I don’t think I hate women but I hate all the women shown in advertisements and commercials and I think that real women actually like them so maybe that’s like indirectly hating women.

And I don’t like Hillary Clinton, so that’s also like hating women I guess.

I don’t like writing “his or her” and “he or she” and fucking “humankind”–only two extra letters and yet I almost resent it. So that’s not good.

I think of God as dudely, not femme. Like even if God were gay he’d still be a top.

And yeah, I’d rather have male offspring. We all would.

But I don’t hate women, heck no. What’s there to dislike? Incessant communication is fine. Constant mood modulation is the only way to live.

I hate macho men more than I dislike anyone, but I also know that women secretly like macho men so that could mean I’m indirectly hating women again. It could be transitive.

Things I must learn to love about women: their effect on old friendships; cosmetic Truth; bad hand jobs…

I don’t think I’m a misogynist but then again back in the 70’s millions of people–all of us–thought they weren’t racist but obviously were. Even liberal-ass M*A*S*H had a character named Spear-Chucker Jones.

Didn’t Heinrich Himmler often begin sentences with “I don’t mean to sound like a racist, but…”

So you gotta be careful–shit can creep up on you.

Sexism Equals Political Science when it comes to Women Voters

Once again, it’s all about the women’s vote.  Just like every presidential election!

It’s sexist to think of women as vacillating and indecisive, as emotional and lacking information, and favoring style over substance.

And yet apparently it’s almost “science” to say such things about women voters, at least in presidential elections.

I’m sick of every election being about the last-minute impulses of Soccer Moms and Security Moms and Swing Moms.

Sick of it, and resigned to it.

But I can still dream:  Let’s have new voter groups–what about the Haters vote?  Are people who hate life breaking for Romney or Obama?

And how is that Awkward vote shaping up?

Did you know that Obama won the first debate among Shy voters?

Of course, you know what would happen–even if we did have these new improved voter categories, presidential elections would still come down to the last-minute vacillations of the Hater Moms, the Awkward Moms, and the Shy Moms:

“He came across as rude, and therefore I’m gonna vote for guns over butter this year.”

Some things will never change, including the things most subject to change.

Alan Brech 2012

Chapter 41, Volume 27 of It Ain’t Frikkin’ Fair!

(redundant text for google):
Newswire:      No charges will be filed against the American Airlines flight attendant whose recent outburst caused the flight to be turned around and landed. Witnesses say the flight attendant screamed in a “demonic” voice about an imminent danger to the plane and made references to 9-11.
QUESTION:    What if it had been a dude?
Male flight attendant:    This plane is going down! You’re all gonna die! Remember 9/11?”
Newswire:      No charges will be filed against the passengers who KILLED a deranged flight attendant who would not stop screaming about an imminent 9-11 danger to the flight and everyone aboard.
A few passengers spoke afterwards: “See, we don’t need no stinking air marshalls.”

(c) 2012, Alan Brech