Is Your Pet a Reincarnated Doctor?

1.  Most doctors don’t do anything. Most pets are equally unproductive.

2.  Most doctors can’t diagnose anything. Most pets know when you’re hurting and can smell diseases from across the room.

3.  Most doctoring relies on the placebo effect. And it’s not just the pills–the white coat, the diplomas, the waiting room, they’re all placebos too. But this is as it should be, given that the 30 to 50 percent baseline of success via the placebo effect exceeds the beneficial bump above the placebo effect that constitutes successful medicine. It would be malpractice not to harness the placebo effect in standard medicine. Its only fraud if you rely on it too much.

And since anything can be a placebo, why not your dog? One could argue that the healthiest attitude is one which views the entire universe as a placebo, but lets be realistic here and stick with reincarnated doctor-dogs.

4.  If there is a morality-based system of reincarnation, karmic logic would demand that useless, over-applauded egotists would come back as humble servants with unrecognized genuine healing power.

5.  Cats have nine lives so you can always steal a few. You paid for them. And dogs in their prime are indestructible compared to people, so by laying next to them you can sometimes get your malfunctioning system to “quorum sense” with a much more resilient one. The success rate equals the placebo effect +19%! That’s damn good medicine by any modern standard.

6. For truly incurable diseases, treatment is by definition palliative, and what’s more palliative than a pet?

7.  There has to be a place between Heaven and Hell for people who try to do good and heal people but who somehow end up as callous, BMW-driving ego-pricks.

And there is:  that place is your living room floor. So crawl your ass down there and get some placebo+19.

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Kill Your Doctor

You’ll feel better in the morning. Much better.

And it will create jobs. Useless, overpaid jobs, but jobs nonetheless.

The fact is, if your body can’t heal itself, no healing will take place at all. The only thing a doctor can do for a non-healing body is prescribe a powerful chemical that causes a dozen other serious problems for every problem it partially alleviates.

And the stuff that really works–marijuana, sleep, laughter and prayer–they won’t touch with a 10-foot tongue depressor. Instead, they’ll send you to an unaffordable hospital where they wake you up every four hours for no reason and nothing is funny.

Their motto: Bill ’em and kill ’em.

How many people did Galen heal?  For thousands of years he was the world’s most respected physician, and guess what? Everything he said was bullshit!

(Everything except the stuff about leeches–turns out leeches really are good for you.)

If doctors weren’t so stupid drug companies wouldn’t have to spend so much money telling us what chemicals we need to take.

“Tell your doctor to prescribe you Dol-dol.”

Meaning that just by watching TV ads you’ll know more than your doctor.

As usual, Jesus got mistranslated. S/b:  “Physician, kill thyself!”

Medical Science’s Greatest Hits:

1.  Lobotomies

2.  Electro-shock “therapy”

3.  Bad vapor theory

4.  Out-of-balance “humors”

5.  Bile theory

6.  $1000 per hour

7.  Golf on Wednesdays

Severe Storms: Socialist Stimulus Schemes from the Sky

Storm damage causes economic growth:

  • All that money sitting in the coffers of insurance companies and reinsurance companies gets spent on building supplies and reconstruction work
  • In advance of the storms, sales are brisk on items that hardly ever sell otherwise
  • After the storm, people are desperate to satisfy all that pent-up demand

Storm damage is Keynesian–it causes good economic growth:
M
oney from insurance executives and investors goes to working people and middle class assets (houses)

Severe storms promote efficiency in the most worker-friendly way:
These are guilt-free days off with the kids and family–entirely guilt free, unlike a sick day or even a vacation day. A “storm day” that closes a city is as economically miraculous as if everyone in the area decided to take an impromptu personal day at the same time. Afterwards everyone comes back to work synced to the same rhythm of making up for lost days which is never too hard (increasing efficiency)

Storms make us look at the big picture:
We all want to live in our own little worlds but the one big world won’t let us.

Storms make us look at the little picture:
Specifically, how much can be fit into the corner of a wet life raft or helicopter sling.

Storms build social bonds within and across communities:
It’s hard to feel anything for these bland, middle-American, semi-rural places until a storm comes and tears them apart. Then they seem adorable.

Severe storm damage rebuilds bonds between responsive governments and people:

Atlas shrugged, freed from the burden of supporting the 47%… But then Sandy swept his beach-house out to sea and now he wants a bailout too.

“How was I supposed to know that there was this thing called ‘erosion’?”

“Who knew oceans were so big and sloppy? Who knew?”