Retiring Pope Jokes

It’s too bad the Pope had to step down but the alternative would have been like Weekend at Bernie Dict’s.

But if he does rejuvenate, I hope he doesn’t try to pull a Putin-Medvedev thing.

Will he now just be called Mr. Ratzinger? Father Ratzinger? Father Benedict? His ex-Holiness? Benedictus Emeritus?

If he writes a book will it be fallible? How fallible could it get and still be ex-popey? Certainly not 50 shades of fallible.

I hope he’s not stepping down as a result of some Asian betting scam.

So the Pope got pranked by some Australian DJ’s–that’s no reason to quit.

A samurai Pope would have killed himself and not bothered us with all these questions.

What is the procedure if an active Pope ever becomes comatose for an extended period of time like Terry Shiavo? Then again, the Christian Broadcasting Network has managed just fine with Pat Robertson.

Dave Petraeus Jokes

So MoveOn was right: ¬†We told you he’d betray us!

He slept with his own biographer–truly a tactical and strategic genius.

Is his biographer now going to write a sequel?
“He won the war. Then he fucked me. It was pretty good. The end.”

Something tells me there’s a sex tape somewhere, probably classified.
Porno version: CIAnal, The Four Star Fuck Force, Beneath the Green Desk, Biographize This!

Her excuse: you go to bed with the army you’ve got, not the army you would like to have.

A 60-year-old like Petraeus sleeping with a 40-year-old like Paula Broadwell is almost like a 40-year-old sleeping with a 20-year-old. Almost. Almost not at all.

Do we really want a person in charge of the CIA who can’t even keep an affair secret? Not even from those hacks at FBI?
We could do so much better with Arnold Schwarzenegger in charge of the Agency.