advanced nescience for dummies; intellectual candy for your inner child if you'll just hop into the white van. Sorry Charlie, we want wisdom that's perverse, not perverts who are wise, although we'll probably take what we can get, as will Starkist now that there are no tuna, but that's a digression
Airline pilots can no longer leave the cockpit but must wear diapers instead.
In order to be truly free and equal, gays need their own homeland. Ditto for women.
Encourage and assist all Sunni jihadis to go to Syria. Then bomb them. Then feed their remains to pigs so that they’re ineligible for Heaven.
Repeal the 8th Amendment to the Constitution–allow cruel and unusual punishment for lawyers and judges who knowingly prosecute or convict innocent people.Torture them! Human rights are for people who care about other people’s human rights.
Don’t just legalize marijuana–issue it. Hand it out like government cheese back in the 80’s.
Give back Southern Appalachia to the Cherokees. We’re not using it.
Execute all motorists who don’t use their turn signal–if you’re too selfish and lazy to flick a switch you don’t deserve to live.
Institute the same gun laws as Dodge City in the Old Wild West–no guns allowed inside city limits. Out in the countryside, you can do what you want.