Reductio ad Conservadum: Let’s Get Laissez-Fucked

•  If raising the minimum wage is so bad, lowering the minimum wage will be great!  And if we could just eliminate the minimum wage altogether, the result would be Utopian. QEDuhhhh…

•  Libertarian / Conservative / Tea Party response to the recent chemical spills in West Virginia and the Dan River, North Carolina:

“See, we don’t need no frikkin’ nanny state! Let business do what they want. The free market will take care of it. That goddamn EPA and their oppressive regulations are killing us!”

•  This is what global cooling looks like to a conservative:

global temps globaltempsNOAAdata

You see? Because 1998 was so incredibly hot, it makes all the hot years since 1998 seem like a cool breeze!

•  Since it’s obvious that government can’t do anything right, the best defense policy would be to abolish our government-run military and replace it with private warlords.

You think Bill Gates would let his F-35 joint-strike fighter run 150 billion dollars over budget? Hell no!

And what’s with all these government-run roads–wouldn’t it be much more sensible to pay a toll to some rich dude every time you want to drive somewhere?

You Have No Right to Philosophize!

If things are good for you, then God* has pampered and spoiled you, and thus you have NO right to generalize for the rest of us.

If an afflicted person does not find comfort in the wisdom of happy-sacks like us, is it their fault, or the shortcoming of our “wisdom?”

But if your situation is horrible and not getting better, you can’t generalize your negativity onto the rest of us. The only thing we’ll listen to from the afflicted are heart-warming stories of how you overcame your affliction even as it killed you.

In other words, no one can philosophize anymore because a) no one has any source-credibility–oh what, you do??? and b) the philosophy of the happy-lucky-healthy and the philosophy of the sad-afflicted are both equally valid and maddeningly exclusive of each other.

And there’s no communication or translation between the two. It’s like different dimensions.

*Feel free to substitute “fate” or “luck” or whatever for “God” if it makes ya feel better