•  If raising the minimum wage is so bad, lowering the minimum wage will be great!  And if we could just eliminate the minimum wage altogether, the result would be Utopian. QEDuhhhh…

•  Libertarian / Conservative / Tea Party response to the recent chemical spills in West Virginia and the Dan River, North Carolina:

“See, we don’t need no frikkin’ nanny state! Let business do what they want. The free market will take care of it. That goddamn EPA and their oppressive regulations are killing us!”

•  This is what global cooling looks like to a conservative:

You see? Because 1998 was so incredibly hot, it makes all the hot years since 1998 seem like a cool breeze!

•  Since it’s obvious that government can’t do anything right, the best defense policy would be to abolish our government-run military and replace it with private warlords.

You think Bill Gates would let his F-35 joint-strike fighter run 150 billion dollars over budget? Hell no!

And what’s with all these government-run roads–wouldn’t it be much more sensible to pay a toll to some rich dude every time you want to drive somewhere?