I think my cat is gorging and vomiting up food for the neighbors and the strays so as to “win friends and influence [peers].”
Nobody can eat FIVE cans of Fancy Feast ® a day, plus some assorted low-grade cat food for good measure. That’s $100 a month or more!
And what am I getting for it? Cuteness?!
I stopped leaving food outside for him at night a long time ago, although I can tell that he wants me to keep doing that. But why should I feed the ‘possums and the strays or even his own ill-conceived so-called “families”?
So what if he might have sired kittens with some “lynxy-looking” pussy? ‘Not my problem! Those ill-conceived kittens are on their own, Buddy boy! I can barely afford you!
Even if he doesn’t have any offspring that he’s secretly trying to feed, he shouldn’t be distributing my largess to Un-Worthies—i.e., cats I don’t want to adopt, which is all of them except him. The problem really is a distributional one—the stupid cat doesn’t know how to share!
Perhaps it was the booze, but tonight I let him have a bowl of wet food outside and said: “Ok Buddy, tonight you’re the ‘rich guy’—tonight you’re the one who hosts the party and shows off and everyone ‘loves’. Enjoy it.”
Because you know damn well I ain’t doin’ this every night! Forget that!
And then I suddenly realized that this is exactly how God could feel about me or any of us if he wanted to be a hard-ass about it.
And maybe that’s why He is such a hard-ass sometimes.
Oops–I mean, “amen”–those are sort of opposites, and yet synonymous too in a strange way.