Canada: How’s it feel to be from a country too lame to rebel against the British Empire?
Ireland: Surrounded by good fisheries, you nevertheless managed to have a devastating Potato Famine. And yet I’ve never heard of any Irish Fish Famine! Eskimos have potato famines all the time and they’re never skinny.
Australia: Your criminal ancestors’ requests for new trials has been granted and concluded: ‘Turns out they were even more guilty than what they were convicted for (given modern morés against bestiality etc.).
Montana: Isn’t that like a National Park or something?
France: (Don’t. Snub them first.)
Pakistan: In America, we’re building a town called Islama-good. Because we’re optimists.
Iran: Sorry amigo, when you call your capital city Terror-ran, it just makes me nervous.
Egypt: Tarir Square? ‘Sounds too much like Terror Square, sorry.
Germany: How have things been since the anschluss with East Germany? [Notoriously chilly when not drunk and overly-friendly, German visitors often require extra ice-breaking, so be sure to offer them some more lebensraum with their wine. If that doesn’t work, tell them that the tank is full of petrol and ammo and the neighbors are Polish.]
Israel-Palestine: Are you walled-in or are you walled-out?
Morocco: What ever happened to that stuff called “hash?”
South Africa: When the feminists talk about Rape Culture, they’re not advocating it! Now I’m not saying you have a duty to disprove the racist fear-mongers, but you kinda do…
Lebanon: What ever happened to that stuff called “hash?”… Oh–how much does Al-Qaeda charge?
On Another Planet as Representative of All Humanity: Man, you aliens are some ugly fucks! No wonder you want our DNA! I’d give you a free load of it right now if you’d just play that holographic porno you made with Shirley MacClaine.