From the Annals of Linguistic History

The first person to ever use the grammatically passive voice was joking his way out of guilt.  He got a huge laugh and from then on people not only retold the joke (” ‘The sword– went through him! Ha ha ha!“) they also marveled at his avoidance of appropriate punishment (“Everyone in the mead hall was laughing their breath away! Or rather, I should say, ‘the floor of the mead hall had everyone rolling on it laughing!’ Everyone except the accused, who walked by!”).

Over time, the passive voice became less funny and less exculpatory until it is now considered a normal part of language for people who are obviously guilty or fuzzy.

The future imperfect tense also began as a joke, repeated not so much for any famed hilarity but for its perpetual usefulness.  “By the next moon, I will have begun to repay my debt in full.  And you can take that to the bank!”

The poetic and lyrical advantages of Jamaican Patois (Chapter 38 of Volume 23 of It’s Not Frikkin Fair!)

Standard English: (Psalm 27)

   “of whom shall I be afraid?”

Jamaican:  (song from the 1980s by The Meditations)

   “who shall I man fear?”

Jamaican:   “No woman, no cry.”  (Bob Marley song)

Standard English:  “Enough, woman, stop your crying already!”    (Try saying that in a love song! Try saying it in a love song that women actually like! And you have to use the words “woman” and “cry”–“hush baby” doesn’t count! And no buttery “please” and “dear” either!)

Standard English:  Myself and people of similar beliefs aspire to be messengers of God’s goodness and virtue.

Jamaican:   I and I Jah messengah  (Luciano song from the 1990s…well, maybe–you decide what he says–http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFIgnBPoyX0)

which leads to the next one:

Standard English:  Even though you are my purported superior and I must defer to you, nevertheless, you and your entire existence is absurd at best, evil at worst, but I’ll go ahead and humor your pathetic ass for the moment and do it for food-money…

Patois:  (unintelligible to whites, but it sounds like an agreement so good enough, they’ll do it! hooray!)