Tag Archives: jokes about Crimea

We Are Russia And We Are A Sad People

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•   When giant meteor hit earth in February 2013 naturally it hit Chelyabinsk Russia

‘Cuz we are Russia and we are a sad people

•   When world have worst nuclear disaster naturally it happen to Soviet Union

‘Cuz we are Russia and we are a sad people

•   America fight Nazis and take over British and French world empires. We lose 20 million people to fight against Nazis and all we get is Eastern Europe

‘Cuz we are Russia and we are a sad people

•   We have glorious Revolution to overthrow horrible Czars and get more horrible Stalin. Then we overthrow communists and get fat drunk Yeltsin and horrible dictator Putin

‘Cuz we are Russia and we are a sad people

•   We are wonderful blend of tall blonde Viking, muscular Slav and dashing Asian horsemen but still nation of ugly babushkas

‘Cuz we are Russia and we are a sad people

•   We invent electronic music, satellite, spaceflight, videotape recorder, radio, helicopter, hydroplane, solar cell, power transformer, synthetic rubber, combine harvester—and still have to steal our technology from the West!

‘Cuz we are Russia and we are a sad people

Yakov_Smirnoff_jokeNotes:  Chernobyl and Yakov Smirnoff were Ukrainian.

Holy Cow — Vladimir Putin is Promoting My Blog !

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Pushing back against the nauseating, anti-Russian, pro-Ukrainian propaganda flooding the American news media lately, I published a blog-post a few days ago in which I lauded the Russian “liberation” of Crimea and denounced the long tradition of anti-Semitism among the Ukrainians (Jokes About Crimea, Russia, and Ukraine).

I also pointed out that the Ukrainians have always been among history’s biggest losers, and that we might want to think twice before hitching our wagon to their Chernobyl-mutated horses.

Vicious slander, but all in good fun 🙂

Lo and behold, new web traffic to my blog suddenly exploded! 

But the traffic pattern seemed suspicious–only a few people found my blog-post through Google and other search engines (on page 3, no less), and yet the total number of new visitors was over one hundred. And it’s still going.

That’s never happened before, even on the other rare occasions when I have managed to become topically relevant.  When I’ve gotten lots of new traffic, it’s always been accompanied by more than just a few search engine hits.

Am I really supposed to believe that one or two people managed to lure in a hundred new people to my obscure little shitty blog?

Then I found out today that Putin and Russia have hired some high-priced American public relations companies such as the giant Ketchum firm (see the article entitled “Meet The PR Firm That Helped Vladimir Putin Troll The Entire Country”–http://www.businessinsider.com/vladimir-putin-nyt-op-ed-ketchum-pr-2013-9#ixzz2vEh5SR2L).

Now it’s starting to make sense.  Thanks Vlad, thanks Ketchum–thanks for inflating my traffic counts! I couldn’t have done it without you.

Postscript:  To insulate myself against the charge of being an pro-Russian hack, I then published some humor slandering the Russian people (How to REALLY Get Tough on them Russians).

Vicious calumny, but all in good fun 🙂

UPDATE:   My anti-Ukrainian piece received–and is still receiving–a lot more new viewers than my anti-Russian piece even though the latter was much funnier, and written two days later.  Point proven.

How to REALLY Get Tough on them Russians

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•   Close down Brighton Beach.

•   Bomb Bay Ridge, Gravesend, Sheepshead Bay, and Midwood back into the Stone Age. Then take away their stone tools.  Then laugh.

•   Toughen up child pornography laws.

•   Strengthen RICO legislation.

•   Cyber-attack their vodka recipes, changing “proof” to “percent,” thus doubling the strength of their alcohol and thereby tripling the already huge number of overdoses.

•   Make them sign up for Romney-care (aka Obama-care) by March 15th or face a penalty.

•   Cyber-attack the Cyrillic script, substituting it with total gibberish. They won’t notice, but it will make us look tough to our allies.

•   Make them read Gogol.

•   Send back Yakov Smirnoff.

•   Cyber-attack their election results so that they elect a Republican parliament.