Tag Archives: holiday

December 30 = Still Christmas Day

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Child to parent on Dec. 27: ”Is it still Christmas?”

Parent: ”No, but soon it will be.”

Child: “It’s going to be Christmas again soon?!”

Parent: ”No, it’s going to be Still Christmas Day. That’s the 30th; Christmas is the 25th.”

Child: ”How can it be still Christmas without actually being Christmas?”

Parent: ”That’s the miracle of Still Christmas.”

Child: ”Are there presents?”

Parent: ”No, its just to get you to New Years Eve day.”

Child: ”How can it be an Eve if it’s a day?”

Parent: ”Alcohol.”

Child: ”What’s that?”

Parent: ”It’s a liquid that instantly makes you feel good and takes away all your problems.”

Child: ”Can I have some?”

Parent: ”No, its bad for you.”

Child: ”Are you going to have some?”

Parent: ”Yes, lots. That’s why we need to play with your toys today while it’s Still Christmas, because tomorrow we’ll be too drunk.”

Child: ”Yay, I love Still Christmas!”

Christmas Magic Delivery

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In December I worked as a temporary “jumper” for UPS delivering packages to businesses and residences during the hectic Christmas rush. For a while it seemed like the third funnest job I’ve ever had, right behind contract archaeology and college bartending.

People were genuinely glad to see me, sometimes ecstatic. I was popular again! In Seinfeld terms, I got paid to hand out other people’s big salads and get thanked for it.

One night, around 10:00, I delivered a package to a lady and her young daughter. The lady commented that they had us out late that night. Yes ma’am, I told her, we’ll probably be out until midnight tonight.

“Cool!!!” exclaimed the young girl.

And for a while it really did seem cool. Very cool, in fact…

But then came January–cold, wet, dreary–and it became just another shit-job.

So you see, kids, it was really the Magic of Christmas that made it seem so fun and cool. And that’s how I know that this Christmas Magic stuff is fucking real. Now get some sleep, kids.