advanced nescience for dummies; intellectual candy for your inner child if you'll just hop into the white van. Sorry Charlie, we want wisdom that's perverse, not perverts who are wise, although we'll probably take what we can get, as will Starkist now that there are no tuna, but that's a digression
Citing the long tradition of fit-and-trim Republican nominees for president, the leadership of the GOP has recalled the nomination of Donald Trump, issuing the following rambling statement:
“That person was a Miss Universepresidential primary person and shehe was the worst we ever had. The worst. The absolute worst. SheHewas impossible. And shehewas a Miss Universeprimarycontestant, ultimately a winner who they had a tremendously difficult time with as Miss Universethe nominee. SheHewas the winner and, you know, shehe gained a massive amount of weight and it was a real problem.We had a real problem. Not only that but herhis attitude and we had a real problem with herhim, so…”
Nevertheless, GOP leadership has agreed to retain Mr. Trump’s nomination if he will submit to working out in front of live television cameras while the GOP leadership stands there watching.
• The economic recovery under Obama leads to a new Yuppie ethos among the young which leads to new life for the Republicans.
• Embrace, but do not kiss, at least not in public, the Log Cabin crowd, especially the super-classy ones (avoid photo ops with the bears). Everyone knows that fashion follows the gay community and young people follow fashion. And that leads to–
• Don’t you wish America had its own Downton Abbeys? Then vote Republican!
◊ Because you can’t have classy without classes.
◊ Remember: the elegance is worth the wealth disparity. Besides, the sophistication and refinement more than makes up for the unlivable wages that are its foundations.
To sum up: the GOP needs to go stealthy, go classy, go gay (the right kind of gay) and wait for the culture to swing back towards the Yuppie-ism that always afflicts the children who come of age following sharp recessions. They see the older age-set suffering through a recession and they get all Scarlett O’Hara about it.
I try not to despise the coming generation of neo-Yuppie scum by reminding myself that they’re not even out of high school yet. But it’s inevitable.