Misanthrope-ology:   the study of the diverse ways in which people around the world are such scum

Pscum-ochology:  the study of the inner workings of the scumbag mind and its scummy behavior.  First year students are required to complete a thesis entitled “Why Am I Such A Scumbag?”

Phil-lost-ophy:   what’s the meaning of all this scuminess?

Relivision:  spiritual answer to above question without so much questioning involved

Socio-scumology:  just what it says, the study of scumbags in groups, like you and your friends

Scum-onomics:  how can we make more money off all these scumbags?  Pay us money and we’ll show you

Shitstory:  the study of the distant past when people were just shitty but not yet fully scummy, like you and your friends

Criminology:  used to be an independent field of study at the university level, now part of elementary education. For their own good.