• Shit’s great, til it ain’t

Shit’s okay if it goes away

Shit’s only good if it’s understood

Shit works, so apply yourself

• It doesn’t matter how bad your shit stinks as long as it also smells like money

• If you keep sniffing for it eventually you’ll find that great big pile of negative crap you’re apparently seeking—and then you’ll be happy

• People And Their Shit: An Introduction to Anthropology, Sociology, Social Psychology and History (even though it’s Math)

• When you get really old, every fart’s a gamble. I think I’m safe, for now.

…What was that?!

…Better check, brb

• See: Location, location, location!

• Money talks—talks shit. Lots of shit. Bullshit only imitates it. And you’re always better-off taking Money’s shit than some broke-ass BS

• Shitty people leading shitty lives are the salt of the earth; God is mysterious like that

• Did you hear about the burned out paleo-fecologist?

“It’s the same old shit everyday!”

“…You forgot your tweezers”

• Ah, the doorbell/ phone ring/ alarm clock vs. messy bottom dilemma, yes…

• Scratched out of Alanis Morrisette’s notebook:

It’s like taking a dump after you’ve just had a bath

• I don’t laugh at shit jokes. In front of women.

What, this ho???

• I love my fuckin’ country so much I could just shit!

“So don’t test me, Commie!”

• What do you call a dude taking a shit out in public during a famine?

Answer: A show-off

“Not that pick up line again…”

“Player please…”

“Yeah, but is that corn on the cob he’s been having?”

• Jesus took dumps. Think of it. Think of it and repent for thinking of it, you swine dog!

Now, what have you learned?