• Shit’s great, til it ain’t
Shit’s okay if it goes away
Shit’s only good if it’s understood
Shit works, so apply yourself
• It doesn’t matter how bad your shit stinks as long as it also smells like money
• If you keep sniffing for it eventually you’ll find that great big pile of negative crap you’re apparently seeking—and then you’ll be happy
• People And Their Shit: An Introduction to Anthropology, Sociology, Social Psychology and History (even though it’s Math)
• When you get really old, every fart’s a gamble. I think I’m safe, for now.
…What was that?!
…Better check, brb
• See: Location, location, location!
• Money talks—talks shit. Lots of shit. Bullshit only imitates it. And you’re always better-off taking Money’s shit than some broke-ass BS
• Shitty people leading shitty lives are the salt of the earth; God is mysterious like that
• Did you hear about the burned out paleo-fecologist?
“It’s the same old shit everyday!”
“…You forgot your tweezers”
• Ah, the doorbell/ phone ring/ alarm clock vs. messy bottom dilemma, yes…
• Scratched out of Alanis Morrisette’s notebook:
It’s like taking a dump after you’ve just had a bath
• I don’t laugh at shit jokes. In front of women.
What, this ho???
• I love my fuckin’ country so much I could just shit!
“So don’t test me, Commie!”
• What do you call a dude taking a shit out in public during a famine?
Answer: A show-off
“Not that pick up line again…”
“Yeah, but is that corn on the cob he’s been having?”
• Jesus took dumps. Think of it. Think of it and repent for thinking of it, you swine dog!
Now, what have you learned?