John Kerry’s “Sista Souljah” Speech at the American Embassy in Cuba

Forget about Al Gore running in 2016, it’s John Kerry we need to be watching:

“In the words of that famous Cuban-American Tony Montana:  ‘F-f-ffock you!‘ ”


“No wait–excuse me–that was the wrong quote–I mis-swore: ‘First you get the money, then you get the pussy!

(Louder applause)

“And now with the reopening of our embassy here in Cooba, we can proudly proclaim: It’s pussy time!”

(Wild applause)

‘Say hello to my little friend!’

(Wild applause)

‘Oy Conyo!’ ”  (Applause) ” ‘What you lookin at? You fucking cockroach! Who the fuck you calling a Spic, mang? Chi chi, get the yeyo. And don’t be calling me no dishwasher or I’ll kick you fuckin’ monkey ass!’

” ‘You wanna go to war? We take you to war, OK! There’s not gonna be a next time you dumb fucking Cuban.’

‘I’m Tony Montana, a political prisoner from Cooba. And I want my fuckin’ human rights now!’

Audience:  “Black Cuban lives matter!

How to REALLY Get Tough on them Russians

   Close down Brighton Beach.

•   Bomb Bay Ridge, Gravesend, Sheepshead Bay, and Midwood back into the Stone Age. Then take away their stone tools.  Then laugh.

   Toughen up child pornography laws.

   Strengthen RICO legislation.

   Cyber-attack their vodka recipes, changing “proof” to “percent,” thus doubling the strength of their alcohol and thereby tripling the already huge number of overdoses.

   Make them sign up for Romney-care (aka Obama-care) by March 15th or face a penalty.

   Cyber-attack the Cyrillic script, substituting it with total gibberish. They won’t notice, but it will make us look tough to our allies.

•   Make them read Gogol.

•   Send back Yakov Smirnoff.

   Cyber-attack their election results so that they elect a Republican parliament.