Tag Archives: debate

Super Tuesday Goes Freaky Friday

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Sanders:  Have you seen the size of Hillary’s hands? They’re hu-uge! 

Clinton:  Shut up you old nerd!

Sanders:  And you know what they say about a woman with big hands?

Clinton:  They deliver bigger punches? Like the punch I’m going to land on your face?

Sanders:  They grab more money from corporate America!

Clinton:  Look, Sanders is desperate. He’s a loser. A desperate loser. I’ve never seen such a desperate loser and I’m a Progressive!

Sanders:  Listen Lil’ Hil’–that’s what I call her, Lil’ Hil’–listen, I’m sorry they scheduled this debate during your menstrual cycle but try not to get too hysterical.

Clinton:  I’m a little old for menstrual cycles, Senator–that shows how little you know about women! And naturally you know nothing about women since you married a fat pig instead! Look at that face! Can you imagine that face as our First Lady? Aagghh!

Sanders:  Go fix your make-up, you’re sweating all over the podium. Maybe we can schedule you another disgustingly long bathroom break. In fact, I will cede five minutes of my debate time so Secretary Clinton can take an extra large dump. That’s what a gentleman I am. Chivalry is not dead!

MODERATOR:  The question was about free trade deals.

Is Carson on Drugs?

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Trump not only beat Bush and Cruz in New Hampshire, he schlanged them. He reamed them–so much so that he has now changed his views on gay marriage. Again.

Speaking of which, are Huma and Hillary in love? I see a lot of love there. And certainly Anthony Wiener and Bill Clinton could drive any woman to try lesbianism. Melania Trump would be crazy not to try it–she could have a bigger pick of ladies than her husband had when he picked her out of an ass line-up.

Is Carson on drugs? People don’t zip down to Florida for clothes.

Speaking of clothes, is America ready for a nudist president? Probably not, but I’m sure Lady Godiva could win a few state and local elections. Especially if she were pro-gun and pro-Bible. “Prison-glow” might even help her.

Since prisoners can’t vote they should have their own elections to choose a President of Incarcerated America. If democracy and citizenship is so darn good and important, why not make it part of prison “rehabilitation?” It can’t be any worse than the existing gang-ocracy. It would give new meaning the phrase “term limits.”

By knee-capping Rubio and then stepping aside, Chris Christie has successfully completed his campaign to become the next Republican Attorney General. Lindsay Graham was equally successful in his bid to become Secretary of State or Defense. Ditto Carly and Commerce.

Peace between Russia and Ukraine could be achieved if Donald Trump was appointed ambassador to his buddy Putin and Melania Trump was ambassador to her native Ukraine. And if war did break out, you would know in advance as soon as Trump filed for another divorce.

Meanwhile, Democrats are faced with the difficult choice between a Clinton-Sanders ticket or a Sanders-Clinton ticket. That’s a tough one. It could go either way.

In the debate last night, Clinton was excellent and Sanders was very good. Meaning Sanders won. Life is so unfair.

Is Carson on drugs? I guess I am since I just repeated myself, but then by that logic Marco Rubio is on three times as much drugs as me. Must be a Florida thing.

But seriously, didn’t Carson’s face look really puffy and rough during that debate where he could not hear his name being announced? Remember Rush Limbaugh’s “deafness?” Another Florida boy gone bad.