Tag Archives: crisis

Inappropriate Comments about the Infant Formula Crisis

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• What’s the deal with tits?

• A National Wet-Nurse Corps would have solved this.

• Instead, Biden’s using the National Defense Production Act to commandeer your white nipples.

(Yes, them!)

• They were born too soon, said everyone convicted of deliberately killing their babies prior to this crisis.

• Give me monopolistic capitalism or give me famished infants!

• What about bleach?

• Kids are too spoiled nowadays anyway.

• When I was a kid we had formula—shut the hell up and stop your crying was the formula. We had plenty.

• It’s punishment for our sins. Those kids were mean. And God hates fags—none of those babies had any interest in the opposite sex.

• Cityfolk got so many issues…

• You may be against immigration but there are a lot of lactating foreigners out there.

• But seriously, whats the deal with tits? What’s the failure rate on a mammary gland anyway? Isn’t there also a back-up unit? (I think there is…) And what’s the Gross National Shortfall of breast milk and how can we best extract that tonnage?

NATO is Bullshit: Nuke the World for Latvia?!

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The name says it all: the North Atlantic Treaty Organization.

Therefore, if your country does not border the North Atlantic Ocean, you should not be part of NATO. That means you Turkey, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland. Please leave.

Besides, if you really think that Americans are going to send their children to die for you, then you’re fucking deluded.

Radical idea: honesty. Since it’s obviously NOT a North Atlantic treaty organization, let us call it for what it is: the Anti-Russia Treaty Organization (ARTO).

Instructive hypothetical: America invades and annexes Nova Scotia, Canada, claiming (correctly) that its Cajun people in Louisiana were wrongfully dispossessed of Acadia by the British back in the 1760s.

Russia’s military response to this hypothetical aggression: NOTHING!

They would piss and moan; they would complain to the U.N.; they might even slap us with some symbolic sanctions, but they would not lift a finger, much less fire a bullet or a nuclear weapon.

And that should be our official policy towards all of Russia’s neighbors except Alaska.

Estonia and Lithuania may be great countries, or they may be pieces of shit, I don’t know, but I do know that their independence is not worth destroying the world in a nuclear holocaust.

HOLY OVERREACH !!!

HOLY OVERREACH !!!

Holy Cow — Vladimir Putin is Promoting My Blog !

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Pushing back against the nauseating, anti-Russian, pro-Ukrainian propaganda flooding the American news media lately, I published a blog-post a few days ago in which I lauded the Russian “liberation” of Crimea and denounced the long tradition of anti-Semitism among the Ukrainians (Jokes About Crimea, Russia, and Ukraine).

I also pointed out that the Ukrainians have always been among history’s biggest losers, and that we might want to think twice before hitching our wagon to their Chernobyl-mutated horses.

Vicious slander, but all in good fun 🙂

Lo and behold, new web traffic to my blog suddenly exploded! 

But the traffic pattern seemed suspicious–only a few people found my blog-post through Google and other search engines (on page 3, no less), and yet the total number of new visitors was over one hundred. And it’s still going.

That’s never happened before, even on the other rare occasions when I have managed to become topically relevant.  When I’ve gotten lots of new traffic, it’s always been accompanied by more than just a few search engine hits.

Am I really supposed to believe that one or two people managed to lure in a hundred new people to my obscure little shitty blog?

Then I found out today that Putin and Russia have hired some high-priced American public relations companies such as the giant Ketchum firm (see the article entitled “Meet The PR Firm That Helped Vladimir Putin Troll The Entire Country”–http://www.businessinsider.com/vladimir-putin-nyt-op-ed-ketchum-pr-2013-9#ixzz2vEh5SR2L).

Now it’s starting to make sense.  Thanks Vlad, thanks Ketchum–thanks for inflating my traffic counts! I couldn’t have done it without you.

Postscript:  To insulate myself against the charge of being an pro-Russian hack, I then published some humor slandering the Russian people (How to REALLY Get Tough on them Russians).

Vicious calumny, but all in good fun 🙂

UPDATE:   My anti-Ukrainian piece received–and is still receiving–a lot more new viewers than my anti-Russian piece even though the latter was much funnier, and written two days later.  Point proven.

How to REALLY Get Tough on them Russians

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•   Close down Brighton Beach.

•   Bomb Bay Ridge, Gravesend, Sheepshead Bay, and Midwood back into the Stone Age. Then take away their stone tools.  Then laugh.

•   Toughen up child pornography laws.

•   Strengthen RICO legislation.

•   Cyber-attack their vodka recipes, changing “proof” to “percent,” thus doubling the strength of their alcohol and thereby tripling the already huge number of overdoses.

•   Make them sign up for Romney-care (aka Obama-care) by March 15th or face a penalty.

•   Cyber-attack the Cyrillic script, substituting it with total gibberish. They won’t notice, but it will make us look tough to our allies.

•   Make them read Gogol.

•   Send back Yakov Smirnoff.

•   Cyber-attack their election results so that they elect a Republican parliament.

Jokes About Crimea, Russia, and Ukraine

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•   Putin may have backed a loser in Yanukovych but if we continue to back the western Ukrainians we will be backing an entire nation of historical losers:

Ecstatic Ukrainians welcome the German army, 1941.

Ecstatic western Ukrainians welcome the German army, 1941.

Bhodan Khmelneytsky: Ukraine's national hero and committed porgromist

Bhodan Khmelneytsky: Ukraine’s national hero and committed pogromist

Monument to the murderous pogromist Bhodan Khmelneytsky in Kiev

Monument to the murderous pogromist Bhodan Khmelneytsky in Kiev, 1999.

Jewish exterminator Bhodan Khmelnytsky on modern Ukrainian money

Exterminator of Jews Bhodan Khmelneytsky on modern Ukrainian money

•  Ukraine is a case where a potential breadbasket is instead a basket case with no potential:

The GDP rate of Poland, Russia and Ukraine (the 1990 levels equals 100 percent) source: National Statistics Committee, IMF

The GDP rate of Poland, Russia and Ukraine (the 1990 levels equals 100 percent) source: National Statistics Committee, IMF; from the webpage:  http://eng.globalaffairs.ru/number/n_6578

Hey, we’re almost up to the pre-Independence levels under late, decrepit communism! Whe-hew!

•   Richard Pryor on why Putin sent troops into Crimea:

Dey was home.

•   Yet another brilliant idea from America’s foreign policy establishment:  Let’s drum up a world war or at least a new Cold War to force the Crimea back into a country of which it was never really a part!

Crimea belongs to Ukraine about as much as the Panama Canal “belonged” to the United States.

•   Hypocrisy check:  does the United States of America–

–Support democratically elected governments?

Yanukovych was democratically elected.

–Oppose unprovoked invasions of foreign countries?

Can you imagine if Iraq in 2003 had a population that was 60% American?  Our Congress would have unanimously voted for military action just like Russia’s parliament did. (Instead, it “only” passed 297 to 133.)

–Support diplomatic solutions and internationally brokered peace agreements?

The western Ukrainian mob violated a days-old agreement brokered by Germany when they overthrew Yanukovich.

–Support the right of self-determination for all peoples?

The Crimea will vote later this month on whether they want to be part of the Ukraine. 

Spoiler alert:  they don’t!

And neither would you.

–Oppose anti-semitism wherever it rears its ugly head?Ukraine_Anti_Semitic_Protest__vinnews@hotmail_com