America’s Crazy Weather: The Gulf of Mexico is Killing Us!

The Gulf of Mexico is Killing Us and Its Gotta Stop

The Gulf of Mexico is Killing Us and Its Gotta Stop

We’ve got to do something about this crazy weather.

We’ve got to attack the problem at its source–the Gulf of Mexico.

It’s killing us.

It’s not that it’s not beautiful. It just doesn’t flush enough.

Frankly, it’s tepid. Too tepid.

And it doesn’t handle global warming very well. Actually, it can’t handle it all–it just makes things worse.

If we could just get the cold waters of the eastern Pacific into the Gulf and Western Caribbean things would be great again just like they were prior to the joining of North and South America c. 3 million years ago.

We could warm up the tropics and grow a few polar ice caps all in the same geologic day! Net shoreline change: Zero!

Western Europe would be hard hit by these changes. Western Europe would become part of those lovely ice caps since the warm waters of the Gulf Stream would likely disappear.

The point is, Europe would pay dearly to get us to not mess with the Gulf Stream and its Unholy Mother, the Evil Goddess of Super-storms, the Gulf of Mexico.

Therefore, Solution #2 is not to abolish or change the Gulf of Mexico, but rather to TAX or EXTORT the Europeans with the continual threat of doing so.

It’s only fair that Europe should pay for tornado damage in America’s midwest, since both Europe’s habitability and our tornado damage come from the same stinking bowl of overheated water, the Gulf of Mexico.

Severe Storms: Socialist Stimulus Schemes from the Sky

Storm damage causes economic growth:

  • All that money sitting in the coffers of insurance companies and reinsurance companies gets spent on building supplies and reconstruction work
  • In advance of the storms, sales are brisk on items that hardly ever sell otherwise
  • After the storm, people are desperate to satisfy all that pent-up demand

Storm damage is Keynesian–it causes good economic growth:
oney from insurance executives and investors goes to working people and middle class assets (houses)

Severe storms promote efficiency in the most worker-friendly way:
These are guilt-free days off with the kids and family–entirely guilt free, unlike a sick day or even a vacation day. A “storm day” that closes a city is as economically miraculous as if everyone in the area decided to take an impromptu personal day at the same time. Afterwards everyone comes back to work synced to the same rhythm of making up for lost days which is never too hard (increasing efficiency)

Storms make us look at the big picture:
We all want to live in our own little worlds but the one big world won’t let us.

Storms make us look at the little picture:
Specifically, how much can be fit into the corner of a wet life raft or helicopter sling.

Storms build social bonds within and across communities:
It’s hard to feel anything for these bland, middle-American, semi-rural places until a storm comes and tears them apart. Then they seem adorable.

Severe storm damage rebuilds bonds between responsive governments and people:

Atlas shrugged, freed from the burden of supporting the 47%… But then Sandy swept his beach-house out to sea and now he wants a bailout too.

“How was I supposed to know that there was this thing called ‘erosion’?”

“Who knew oceans were so big and sloppy? Who knew?”