Big Book and High Education

Always pay special attention to the first third of a non-fiction book. The middle is in the middle for a reason and by the end the author wants it over as bad as you do. In the beginning is all the stuff the author actually enjoys dwelling on.

Western medicine is all pathology.  Pretty soon we’ll know the how and why of all the ways the body can fail. Treatment will remain symptomatic.

So let’s raise America’s education levels–only test Asian kids. And Jews. On Christmas.

Does this sound like a good investment?  Let’s pay for a kid to spend four or five years writing book reports. Think it’ll pay off? So why invest in higher education?

Everything I really needed to know I still haven’t learned yet. So obviously I didn’t need to learn that either.

Memorize the colorful anecdotes and digressions of history and culture. Ignore the main points of discussion because you will never get to discuss them yourself without sounding like a poser-dick.

Read everything as if there’s a 40% chance it’s total bullshit, that way you’ll end up retaining almost 60% of what you read.

Half of what we know cannot be quantified anyway.

And just because you can write an essay when you’re drunk means we’re probably gonna wanna read it when we’re sober. So develop your talents.

School teaches the awesome amazing power of the Last Minute. Huge, semi-monumental B+ quality work can be achieved in that “frantastic” stretch of space-time called the last minute.

Before that, 10 pages seem like 20. With one hour left, they only seem like 8 1/2 with wide margins.

Lawyers get the most schooling and that’s why they do all their work at the last minute. And so paralegals spend their days doing nothing and their nights working late.

Have you ever done nothing all day and then worked late?

Then you haven’t worked for a highly educated boss.

Alan Brech 2012

In the beginning was the joke and the joke was Good

Brethren–and sisters–our text today is from the Book of Laughs.  Now of course the full title is: The Laughs of the Ass-postles of Christ that’s Funny as Recorded by Bobo, Loyal but Overly-Editorial Scribe to Paul, formerly Saul, formerly of Gaul, who Claimed to be from Tarsus.

So you can see why people just call it The Laughs for short. That fuckin’ Bobo! Heh heh…

Today we’re gonna sermonize from Laughs 37:10 (hike!) where we find the following wisdumb:

“On that Day of Reckoning all the boogers thou ever picked and wiped shall be mounded up high and brought down on thy dwellings and thy fields, yay, on thy chattel and thy manservants, and then shalt thou have to account for the sins of thy very un-Jewish poor hygiene–

“–But IF thou believest in the holy nose hairs of the Messiah, in the redeeming sacrifice of his Pickless Existence, then shalt thou be washed clean of thine own filthy filtrations and enter into the Holy Mansion of God which has no boogers underneath the furniture and only a few old gum wads here and there because God suffers the children–and therefore, by implication, not you…”

The point is, brethren–and sisters–is that Christianity allowed us Europeans to be the filthy pigs we were gonna be anyway. Truly a miracle!