Questions for the Ages

Are Daisy Dukes appropriate for the Church of the Holy Sepulcher?

Did they really invent a martial-arts fighting style based on the Macarena? In a fair fight, could it beat the Hustle?

Why does GEICO use computers to write its advertising jokes? Have we been automated all ready? Because I’m saying it ain’t working–their shit sucks. And yeah, that’s my punch line.

Since when did the Misogyny Club of America get taken over by women??? Fuckin’ bitches…

Is there a place in Heaven for good people who are truly annoying?

Did Milton write Fanny Hill or are all the numerous resemblances purely coincidental?

If family names are often based on occupations and professions (Cooper, Miller, etc.) how come no one is named Prostitute? Or Spy? Or Royalbuttlicker?

Have you ever considered the advantages of armor-piercing?

Would Plato’s Allegory of the Cave have meant something different if it were a porn?

Why agonize over white phosphorous versus napalm when you can have them both?

And doesn’t your family deserve a better caliber machine gun? Think of the kids.

In the future, as the War on Terror enters its 300th year, will it be time to reflect on whether our methods are adequate to the task? Will we still be willing to give up constitutional rights we never really had?

Did Madonna go too far with her Molly Christmas album?

This Might Be Going Somewhere

Fame is lame.
Shame is gain.
Romance is gay.
Sex is silly.
Abstinence died out a long time ago.
Kids are fascists.
Hard work is cheating.
Evaluation is overrated.
Art is stuff.
Suspense is killing you.
God is lovely.
Nothing is never getting done. Constantly.
Reading is fundamental (-ly bad for the eyes)
If it’s funny, it’s probably true, but if it’s true, it’s probably sad.
Procrastination can’t wait a moment longer.
Technology is making us primitive. I can hardly write this. Note to self: evolve.
Illusions actually exist.
God exists, but only the Devil can prove it.
Epigrams are stupid.
Bliss causes ignorance. If any of this sounds ignorant, I was probably in a good mood.
Philosophy has figured everything out, it’s just that words and concepts no longer make sense. Good job.
Religion has all the right answers to all the wrong questions. Don’t ask why.
I think therefore I still don’t know. I still don’t know, therefore I stop thinking for a while. I stop thinking, and yet I still am. What the hell was RD saying?
We’re all nostalgic for when we had a future.
Modernity was passé before it started. Then it got really dreary.
Yogi Berra was more right than we mistake him for.
I guess that’s where this is headed–high-falutin Yogi-isms.  Yikes.