Tag Archives: 2nd amendment

Solution to the Gun Control Issue: Math

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And geography:

Population density ÷ distance to nearest high-density area =

Your gun laws.

The higher your number, the more restrictive your gun laws. Low numbers entitles you to all the Wild West paranoid fun you can stockpile.

IF you keep it out in the sticks.

Because remember: being born in a low density area means nothing when you enter a high density area. The laws are the same for everyone in high and low density areas. it’s just different depending on where you’re at.

Gun owners with a house in the city and a house in the country, for instance, would find themselves under two different sets of gun laws, depending on their location.

My second serious blog entry… The last time I sacrificed humor was in order to solve the Afghanistan-Pakistan-Kashmir problem. I did it, but no one listened.

And people died.

Now, I want to be funny and write instead about butterflies made out of bullshit but you people leave all these needlessly unsolved issues out there, it forces me to get practical and dreary sometimes.

So it’s your fault.

Sick Tasteless Gun Control Jokes

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Gabby Giffords is forming an anti-gun advocacy group. I hope no one tries to shoot down her arguments.

Already her critics are taking aim:

“If Gabby had been packing some heat she could have sprayed a few bullets back. And if everyone had been armed, everyone could have sprayed bullets in Loughner’s general direction. Now that’s safety!”

To paraphrase Tennessee Williams, we all depend upon the kindness of strangers with guns.

Therefore, the more strangers with guns, the more kindness 🙂

Speaking of kindness, among the numerous boxes of toys sent to Newtown Connecticut, did anyone send any toy guns?

Why not? If what the NRA says is true, it shouldn’t be in bad taste at all.

“No son, this is a toy replica of the gun that killed the gunman. This is a good-guy gun.”

“Awwwesome!”

Bazooka Control Does Not Work

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If you outlaw bazookas, only outlaws will have bazookas.

Bazookas don’t kill–people do. People with bazookas just kill more.

But Bazooka Control does not work–studies have shown that cities which outlaw bazookas are no safer than this one place in Idaho where everyone walks around with them.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a bazooka is a good guy with two bazookas.

If society ever falls apart you’ll be glad your neighbor has a bazooka.

But if you let the government take your bazookas by voting for Bazooka Control, they’ll come for your 50-caliber machine guns next.

And then your grenades.

And then your plastic explosives.

There’s no limit, unless we stand firm and say: You’ll have to pry my bazooka out of my cold dead hands!