Great Moments in Speculative History

Secret Emergency Conclave of the Elites c. January 2017:

Democratic Elite: We’ve got Trump dead-to-rights on the Russia hack, Russian blackmail, and Russian money, but we need you, the Republican Elite, to go along with redressing the wrongs. You know, for the good of the country.

Republican Elite: Ok, but what’s in it for us? What can you give us?

[Back-and-forth colloquy. Summary: Republican Elite agrees it’s for the good of the country but that the Republicans deserve political compensation for the inevitable losses they face after the shit hits the fan, and that a crippled Mike Pence presidency is not enough.]

Democratic Elite: Look, we’ll delay the hammer-drop on Trump for a few months to give you time to enact a first-year agenda, if you can. And you get Pence.

Republican Elite: Deal!

KGB-Approved

When I was at the University of Florida back in the 1984 the College Republicans would put “KGB-Approved” stickers on pro-Mondale bulletin board posts. Well, here’s your shit coming right back at you with infinitely more factual justification:

kgb_approved

And yeah, I know they’re now  called the  FSB but KGB sounds better and they haven’t changed.

Plus a few more memes by me:

buddha

j-lo

nice_ass

The above pic has been enhanced, I believe, but I know for a fact that this one has not:

j-lo2

maga

russia_if_youre_listening

 

CPAC Under Trump =

CPAC under Trump =
Compromised Principles Action Committee
Credulous Patsies of an American Conman
Caucasian People Against Coexistence
Corrupt Political Allies of Cretinism
Committee to Protect Aryan Consciousness
Craven Pawns of the Angry Crazy-man
Committee to Pervert America’s Constitution
Crackpots Posing As Conservatives
Christians Praising the Anti-Christ
Cowardly Practitioners of Absolute Corruption
The Brownshirts.

Seinfeld – Andy Griffith Similarities

Plot similarities:

  • A British man gets into a car accident and is sentenced to be Andy Griffith’s butler
    • Jerry and George write a TV pilot script premised on a man without car insurance sentenced by a judge to be Jerry’s butler 
  • Andy gets bothered by his girlfriend’s overly familiar long-term male visitor
    • Jerry gets bothered by his girlfriend’s overly familiar male roommate
  • Andy has trouble with a girlfriend because she shoots better than he does
    • George dumps his girlfriend because she beat him at chess
  • Andy mistakenly says something negative about Barney’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend Thelma Lou which later comes back to haunt him when Barney and Thelma Lou make up again
    • Jerry and Elaine mistakenly say something negative about Kramer’s ex-girlfriend which comes back to haunt them after Kramer makes up with her
  • Howard Sprague joins the Big Brother program
    • George gets conscripted into the Big Brother program
  • Andy’s get-away vacation to the lake is ruined by Warren’s premonitions of disaster
    • George’s vacation plans are ruined by a psychic’s premonition of disaster
  • Andy helps Barney who’s tongue-tied around his girlfriend
    • Newman helps Kramer who’s tongue-tied around the woman he likes
  • Barney attracts the romantic interest of a female convict
    • George dates a female convict
  • Howard Sprague becomes a swinging single guy
    • George declares “The Summer of George!”
  • Andy, Opie and Aunt Bee go to Hollywood for three episodes
    • Jerry, George and Kramer go to Hollywood for two episodes
  • Howard Sprague abruptly quits Mayberry and lives a Bohemian life on a tropical island
    • Kramer abruptly quits New York and lives a Bohemian life in sunny California
  • A visiting movie crew disrupts the normal life in Mayberry
    • A Woody Allen movie being shot down the street from Jerry’s apartment disrupts everyone’s life
  • Opie’s inability to dance becomes a major issue
    • Elaine finds out she dances horribly

Character Similarities:

Jerry and Andy:  Single guy surrounded by girlfriends; cool, rational, voice-of-reason protagonist with dysfunctional friends:

George and Barney/Warren:  nervous, manic, uncool, over-excited, prone to crazy schemes (both Costanza and Fife also work in real estate for a while)

Kramer and Gomer/Goober:  tall, thin, lanky, goofy, “not playing with a full deck”

UPDATE:andy-griffith-make-up-sex