• Shit’s great, til it ain’t
Shit’s okay if it goes away
Shit’s only good if it’s understood
Shit works, so apply yourself
• It doesn’t matter how bad your shit stinks as long as it also smells like money
• If you keep sniffing for it eventually you’ll find that great big pile of negative crap you’re apparently seeking—and then you’ll be happy
• People And Their Shit: An Introduction to Anthropology, Sociology, Social Psychology and History (even though it’s Math)
• When you get really old, every fart’s a gamble. I think I’m safe, for now.
…What was that?!
…Better check, brb
• See: Location, location, location!
• Money talks—talks shit. Lots of shit. Bullshit only imitates it. And you’re always better-off taking Money’s shit than some broke-ass BS
• Shitty people leading shitty lives are the salt of the earth; God is mysterious like that
• Did you hear about the burned out paleo-fecologist?
“It’s the same old shit everyday!”
“…You forgot your tweezers”
• Ah, the doorbell/ phone ring/ alarm clock vs. messy bottom dilemma, yes…
• Scratched out of Alanis Morrisette’s notebook:
It’s like taking a dump after you’ve just had a bath
• I don’t laugh at shit jokes. In front of women.
What, this ho???
• I love my fuckin’ country so much I could just shit!
“So don’t test me, Commie!”
• What do you call a dude taking a shit out in public during a famine?
Answer: A show-off
“Not that pick up line again…”
“Yeah, but is that corn on the cob he’s been having?”
• Jesus took dumps. Think of it. Think of it and repent for thinking of it, you swine dog!
Now, what have you learned?
I bet when Jesus took a dump, the turd would resurrect itself back into food.
That happens every time anything takes a shit—except human industry, etc.—I believe it’s part of the ongoing miracle of biological life. Which we’re shitting on… but yeah the “mundane miracle” of Life feeding itself and growing upon its own waste is not an instantaneous miracle. So God uses Time?! What a scandal! Sure, God can use pre-existing space, matter, energy and mortal agents—but if it’s not done like I Dream of Fucking Jeannie then it’s not a God miracle, right?
Atheism is dead and I can prove it. Try me, bitches:)