Trump Is No Hitler

hitler

Hitler:  Had a weird haircut that later became popular among the New Wavers of the 1980s

Trump:  Has an even stranger hairstyle that will never become popular because it’s obviously ridiculous, even to New Wavers (Flock of Seagulls notwithstanding)

Hitler:  Served in World War I for the duration and twice won the Iron Cross for bravery

Trump:  Dodged the draft; never served; never would serve; almost shit his pants when an unarmed protester rushed the stage

Hitler:  Did not incite riots after being denied the Chancellorship in 1932 even though he had obtained the largest plurality of votes

Trump:  Threatens riots if he falls short of the necessary votes to win the nomination

Hitler:  Eschewed profanity; never swore in public

Trump:  Fuckin’ swears all the time

Hitler:  Successfully built the Atlantic Wall and the Siegfried Line

Trump:  Talks a bunch of shit about a wall that will never get built and which we don’t need anyway

Trump:  Publicly called Mexicans rapists and criminals

Hitler:  Never said anything bad about Mexicans

Hitler:  Stirred up less-educated people to hate minorities, foreigners and political opponents

Trump:  Same thing…but other than that minor detail, he’s no Hitler

Super Tuesday Goes Freaky Friday

Sanders:  Have you seen the size of Hillary’s hands? They’re hu-uge! 

Clinton:  Shut up you old nerd!

Sanders:  And you know what they say about a woman with big hands?

Clinton:  They deliver bigger punches? Like the punch I’m going to land on your face?

Sanders:  They grab more money from corporate America!

Clinton:  Look, Sanders is desperate. He’s a loser. A desperate loser. I’ve never seen such a desperate loser and I’m a Progressive!

Sanders:  Listen Lil’ Hil’–that’s what I call her, Lil’ Hil’–listen, I’m sorry they scheduled this debate during your menstrual cycle but try not to get too hysterical.

Clinton:  I’m a little old for menstrual cycles, Senator–that shows how little you know about women! And naturally you know nothing about women since you married a fat pig instead! Look at that face! Can you imagine that face as our First Lady? Aagghh!

Sanders:  Go fix your make-up, you’re sweating all over the podium. Maybe we can schedule you another disgustingly long bathroom break. In fact, I will cede five minutes of my debate time so Secretary Clinton can take an extra large dump. That’s what a gentleman I am. Chivalry is not dead!

MODERATOR:  The question was about free trade deals.