advanced nescience for dummies; intellectual candy for your inner child if you'll just hop into the white van. Sorry Charlie, we want wisdom that's perverse, not perverts who are wise, although we'll probably take what we can get, as will Starkist now that there are no tuna, but that's a digression
“Hello, this is Allahu Akbar al Jihadi. There is no bomb aboard Flight 2257 from Paris. Repeat–no bomb.”
“No. None. You can relax. And on Flight 4141 from Miami–those guys are not hijackers.”
“No, they’re day laborers. The hijackers got scared on the way to the airport and hired them instead. Unfortunately, they’re quite harmless… But whatever you do, for God’s sake don’t let them drink too much. Tell them you’re flying over a dry county when they ask for seconds.”
“Yeah, could I get a one-way to Isantbul tomorrow?”
If they put a woman on the 20 dollar bill it will only be worth $19.43.
Real Players don’t flash Tubmans.
They should make money like those birthday cards that talk when you unfold them. “Are you sure you need this?”
Everyone should have to sign their money.
The burning of old bills should become a quasi-religious public ceremony. For the True Faith. New Value rising like a Phoenix…
Have you ever rubbed money on your aching foot? Cuts out the middleman.
Edible money is the next big thing. Right after legal tender blunt-wraps. Hey, if people want to eat or smoke some specially-prepared money, the Treasury Dept. should accommodate them. ‘Make a little extra money so that they don’t have to suck in all our tax dollars to pay for their expenses printing our money.
If Obama puts a woman on the $20 it will cause America to become socialist-Muslim, just like everything Obama does.
So what’s next, a Tranny $50? A gay $100? A lesbian Grand?
In my system, each president would equal their number: Washington is a $1, Adams is a $2, Lincoln is a $16, Bush Jr. is a $43, etc. That way we could judge presidential candidates on their ability to make good money: “A $45 Huckabee??? I don’t think so!”