My Fake Conversion to Isislam

Shopping for religions one day, exploring all the philosophical and doctrinal differences and weighing their various defects and virtues, I decided I needed a religion with more beheadings.

A religion with more beheadings is the kind of religion you want to be a part of, that’s for sure. As the saying goes: “Faith, Hope, Charity, yet without beheadings, I am as nothing.”

It’s hard not to think about God during a beheading. It’s so moving.

What a great selling point for our religion—the Jehovah Witnesses have their pamphlets and the Protestants have their hospitals and faggy medical missionaries, but hey, we’ve got snuff films!

Snuff films which glorify God.

If the Prophet were alive today, he’d be into that kind of snuff, right?

Thousands of psychotic converts like me are inexorably drawn to the True Faith (mankind’s best hope) after seeing a video of a beheading.

You had me at the first messy knife-cut!

If only they could bring back quartering–you know, where they put a draft animal on each limb–think of all the sick-fuck converts we could win over!

Our religion will benefit greatly from drawing in all these sick-fucks who like snuff. We will be the new Elect of God, singing ancient praises of the All Mighty One, watching high-pressure blood splatter, kidnapping a wife or two…

Yeah, that’s a hell of a recruitment tool. Literally.

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One thought on “My Fake Conversion to Isislam

  1. So, what is the cure for these “sick-fucks”?

    Because I cannot separate the reality that we as a species are connected. And that there is something in the current dynamic of human relations that has enable this occurrence.

    So, what is the cure?

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