Quit bringing all these Russian Jews to my chess matches.

Do not bring any Hindus or Pakis to my spelling bees.

No more fat people at my bowling tournaments.

Never show up at my softball games with a lesbian.

Asians are strictly forbidden from my ping-pong and badminton tournaments. I don’t care if you’re related to them.

If I sponsor a drinking contest at my house, you had better not show up with a fucking Mick.

No more white people at my swim meets and boat regattas. I don’t care if I’m related to them.

No more short dudes at my horse races.

Basically, show up alone and dependent on me or don’t show up at all.