Jealous of Trees

Plants are too slow. They need to get a move on.

We could have ten seasons a year but for their slowness.

If they breathed harder, we could lock away more CO-2.

But no, they never work themselves into a huff.  And they never get gray leaves.

Trees are among the few creatures that look better when they’re old.

Even the ones that have been dead and snapped for several years have that jagged look.

Age is a positive selling point when it comes to tree sex.

It’s always the same story:  young nubile sapling seeks near-dead old walnut.

But what kind of “survival strategy” is it for plants to just sit there and support everybody else?

If plants knew some more Darwin they’d have adaptified that. We should have stingy plants instead.

If in the end plants win the struggle for survival then Darwin’s theory of that struggle loses. The plants will look back on the fossils of their long-extinct fellow earthlings and say: “See, they weren’t generous enough.”

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