•   Close down Brighton Beach.

•   Bomb Bay Ridge, Gravesend, Sheepshead Bay, and Midwood back into the Stone Age. Then take away their stone tools.  Then laugh.

•   Toughen up child pornography laws.

•   Strengthen RICO legislation.

•   Cyber-attack their vodka recipes, changing “proof” to “percent,” thus doubling the strength of their alcohol and thereby tripling the already huge number of overdoses.

•   Make them sign up for Romney-care (aka Obama-care) by March 15th or face a penalty.

•   Cyber-attack the Cyrillic script, substituting it with total gibberish. They won’t notice, but it will make us look tough to our allies.

•   Make them read Gogol.

•   Send back Yakov Smirnoff.

•   Cyber-attack their election results so that they elect a Republican parliament.