I read better books than you and I have better thoughts. My feelings are more profound and my orgasms are much better.

Much better.

Even when we read the same book mine is still better. (Points to head)

Frankly, I matter more. My life is more art-worthy than yours.

I’m more human, more special, more alive, and, moreover, more deserving.

I’m like a major character; you’re like this prop.

I am—how shall we say?—superior?—

I mean I know it’s awkward but there is a word for it.

Is that a gun? Hey, wait–