Florida is for Extroverts and Exhibitionists

Few places are so well symbolized by the shape of their geographic borders as Florida, which sticks out from the rest of the continent like a dangling phallus, a penis-insula waving temptingly to vacationers with money and low expectations.

And so we like to have our elections and our criminal trials play out on national and international television. We like to dangle out there.

As Kliban put  it:

Kliban_Florida

Charges, verdicts, acquittals, results, recounts, goofy judges–we like a little surprise in everything. It makes for better TV.

We’re slaves to bad fashion and we preserve vestiges of all the really awful ones. We still have rat-tails, Farrah hair, man-pouches, and guys who look like Denny Terrio.

And we still have Denny Terrio. Or do we? It’s so hard to tell when he’s not around.

Nationwide criminal pursuits often start or end here. Yeah we bad. And we still use those 80’s expressions.

The celebrities we produce are the kind of celebrities you could have a beer with. And collect reward money too.

Life really is like TV down here in Florida. Good families live like the Brady Bunch or 7th Heaven and bad families can be seen on Lifetime, Court TV, Oprah TV, etc.

Think of us as a filter for California culture. Like a liver.

But you have to remember that all Florida isn’t Florida. There’s Florgia, Floribama, and then there’s Florida. The first two are more like Georgia and Alabama than they are Florida. There’s even a Florissippi, where even though geographically Florida doesn’t border Mississippi, mentally they do.

Be that as it may, the future for Florida looks to be more and more extroverted and exhibitionist as its Latin population explodes with rhythm.

Florida may rejoin the Caribbean as its natural sphere of interaction, but it will always stick out and demand cheap attention.

Alan Brech 2013

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