I like the chills you get from a slight fever. It makes the blankets feel extra comfy.

Days after you bang up your toe, it starts to feel good while it heals, even though it’s still sore.  Weird theory: healing feels good.

Sometimes scratching an itch feels so good I’m glad I got the itch in the first place. Thank you, mosquito.

The first urination after orgasm used to hurt a little. But now it feels great. Poor consolation for getting old, however.

I feel much better about life the day after I recover from a cold than I did the day before I first contracted it.  So it’s a net gain.

The tremendous sense of accomplishment and self-purification you get from ripping out a nose hair more than makes up for the physical pain of its removal.

I like news-discussion shows on TV.

My favorite piece of music is the Nails-on-the-Blackboard Symphony in D Major, G Major, and F Sharp. Finally some music that doesn’t pander to its audience!

I turn up the volume on the TV when I see the ad for Christian Mingle, Cymbalta, Quibids, and Flo-Nase. Okay, that’s a lie: no one’s that masochistic.