Misanthrope-ology: the study of the diverse ways in which people around the world are such scum
Pscum-ochology: the study of the inner workings of the scumbag mind and its scummy behavior. First year students are required to complete a thesis entitled “Why Am I Such A Scumbag?”
Phil-lost-ophy: what’s the meaning of all this scuminess?
Relivision: spiritual answer to above question without so much questioning involved
Socio-scumology: just what it says, the study of scumbags in groups, like you and your friends
Scum-onomics: how can we make more money off all these scumbags? Pay us money and we’ll show you
Shitstory: the study of the distant past when people were just shitty but not yet fully scummy, like you and your friends
Criminology: used to be an independent field of study at the university level, now part of elementary education. For their own good.