How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

–About a hundred, since only 1 in 99 will prefer the light

What did one atheist say to the other atheist in the foxhole?

–I wonder when the fighting is going to start?

How many wars have been started/caused by religion?

–Let’s take warlike America as our case study…  Answer:  NONE!

The history of America proves you don’t need religious conflict to start a good war. ‘Cuz we’re advanced.

What did the atheist say when he finally met God?

–Oh good, I was wrong

What did the True Believer say when he met God?

–Oh shit, I was really wrong!

One day, an atheist was struggling with his moral conscience over what to do in a particularly ugly situation.  Then he remembered there’s no God and no accountability so fuck it! Wheh-hew!

Why are atheists so smart?

–They’re constantly reevaluating.

Why do atheists live in cities?

–Because they’re all they got.

Why are atheists more virtuous than theists?

–Guilty conscience.

Did you hear that Science disproves God?

–Sure, just take Boyle’s law, multiply it against Bernoulli’s Principle, divide by the second law of thermodynamics, add in General Relativity and Mendel’s laws of inheritance and you’ll find a dead god in the bottom of your test-tube every time.

Alan Brech 2012