• News flash: there are no attractive people in Bartow, Florida. None.
‘Cuz we’re from the country
and we like it that way…
• Father Time is a child abuser.
And yet Steve Rattner still needs to show ID to buy beer
• More Cosmic Unfairness: old ladies are so cute–old men, not so cute…
• Sometimes you just need a fresh set of eyes.
• Always try to be the first with the most, that way you’ll always be living according to the precepts of the Confederate general who founded the KKK (Nathan Bedford Forrest).
• Discontinued menu item at Denny’s restaurants in Pennsylvania: the Sandusky. That’s a link of Polish sausage inside a rack of baby-back ribs. (Available only on the senior and children’s menus).
• K-Tel presents: the Pedophile Top 40 Songs of All Time: Hot Child in the City (Nick Gilder); What’s Your Name Little Girl? (Lynyrd Skynyrd); Hey Little Girl I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend (Ramones); and of course, Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond)
• Top lesbian anthem of all time: Wide Open Spaces (Dixie Chicks)