Lies and Rumors: Spike Lee, Pelvic Laser Pointers, Criminal Robots, Jewish Superheroes, Anti-Semites in Baseball, My Name is Vomit to the Jews

The Science Channel is running a documentary on the female orgasm. The commercials are all for chocolate.

Spike Lee tweets to Rwanda:  “You missed some people back in ’94. Their address is 123 XYZ Street.”

A Kansas man was sentenced to three years in prison for making robots for the devil. The jury didn’t quite buy his defense that “now the demons don’t have to possess innocent people anymore.”

Advertisement:  You can spice up your boring academic lectures and keep your hands free with the new Strap-on Pelvic Laser Pointer®  Now you can sexually harass all your students while giving them a quality education–hey, at least it’s fair!

All the really good stupid ideas have been done already.  The only thing left is the truly brilliant.  Shit!

It’s hard to argue with a Russian-American saleswoman when she commands you to have pleasure:  “It’s OK, you will like, sure you like–you will like…”

If Osterreich (Austria) Deutsch (German) and England are all Jewish last names, does this mean that Captain America is also Jewish?  Since so many superheroes have names ending in “man” (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, etc.) are there any non-Jewish superheroes besides the stupid Hulk?

Fairness requires a few shots at my own, so here’s a list of TV Shows on the White Trash Network: Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader on Drugs?  America’s Funniest Drunken Kids Videos, The Creative Cat Tormentor, Shooting Noises in the Woods with Buckshot Bob and Buck Shotbob, Two Men and a Kidnapped Baby, 8 Statutory Rules for Dating My Tweenage Daughter; and the return of the after-school movie (cuz fuck homework):  Fifteen and Pregnant… Again.

Speaking of fairness, I liked PBS’s Jews In Baseball documentary but I don’t think the fairness doctrine really required them to air Anti-Semites in Baseball the following week. I knew that Hank Greenberg, and Sandy Koufax and Bud Selig were prominent Jews in baseball, but I was somewhat surprised to see the list of famous anti-semites in baseball included George Steinbrenner, Bud Selig, Larry David, and all the Japanese players.

I didn’t know that Take Me Out to the Ball Game was co-written by a Jewish person, but I can’t remember if the “ultra-orthodox” parody of that song was from the Jews in Baseball show or Anti-Semites in Baseball, and that’s important information if you’re going to quote from it at length:

Take me out to the goy game
Take me out to the unclean
Buy me some hotdogs but don’t tell my rabbi
I don’t care if I even get back by Friday!
We’ll root root root root for the home team
When the Mets lose we’ll kibbitz and kvetch,
‘Cuz it’s one, two, three complaints enough already!
When you’re at home trying to watch the old goy game.

Offended? I should be offended when you took my family name and used it to mean “vomit”–this is from a Yiddish glossary at (and verified by

Brech: (rhymes with “yechhh!” which should make it easy to learn) to gag; to vomit. “Meh keyn brechen!” means “You can vomit from this!” “Go to your sister’s house for dinner? Forget it! I don’t know which makes me brech more… her food or her décor!”

(c) 2012, Alan Brech (actually, I can’t even vomit without a finger on the tongue)

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