If you follow the Pat Robertson-Jerry Falwell line of thinking, whereby natural disasters such as Hurricane Katrina were somehow the result of anti-God lifestyles incurring the wrath of God (raging against New Orleans culture I suppose), then the following maps from FEMA and NOAA and various other respected sources prove–

God HATES Republicans!

He hates their districts, he hates their states, he probably even hates their pets more, although I don’t have the data maps to prove that one (YET!). But I’m sure a map of pet mortality, abandonment, fighting injuries, etc, would be heavily biased towards the red states, especially Dixie.

Start with the best–this is from NOAA:

Lop off everything west of Minnesota and Texas and you have a map of the Civil War! West Virginia did well to go their separate way.  The above map indicates that even if God doesn’t hate Southern Man as much as Neil Young, at the very least Thor does.

Now here are two maps of red states vs. blue states from Wikipedia:(bear in mind Florida is MUCH more “red”/conservative than these maps indicate, and probably Missouri too but I don’t know it’s hard to tell from 30,000 feet)

A map of the average margins of victory in the past five presidential elections
Author: Semocrat08 at en.wikipedia

 Here’s another way to define who’s red and who’s blue:

Summary of results of the 1996, 2000, 2004, and 2008 presidential elections:
red = States carried by the Republican in all four elections
pink = States carried by the Republican in three of the four elections
purple = States carried by each party twice in the four elections
light blue = States carried by the Democrat in three of the four elections
deep blue = States carried by the Democrat in all four elections
Author Angr (both maps from Wikipedia)

With these red state vs. blue state maps in mind, look at the following maps of God’s Wrath recently wrought upon the United States:

County Level Mortality Rates by Natural Hazards

from the New Scientist website (their motto: “Fuck those old scientists”). This map documents more than just Thor’s handiwork:

Note how the red part of New York State (upstate but not Buffalo) is afflicted, while all around all the liberal areas seem to enjoy the tranquility of God’s Protection. Compare eastern (liberal) Pennsylvania with western (conservative) PA.  Naturally, liberal-but-slightly-disasterous Vermont is an underperformer in everything except small unit tactics.

As much as even I, a New Florid-Yorkian, hate to say it, the above map clearly shows where God’s love is the strongest–liberal Massachusetts and Connecticut.

Hmm, makes you wanna NOT think about it! Makes you wanna distract yourself away from the obvious fact that–Ok, here’s another map:
Map of General Mortality Rates by County (also from the New Groovy Scientist Man):

So the conclusion is inescapable: God hates the Republican “red” states.

(c) 2012, Alan Brech